Vulnerable story. Last year was quite a year
for me. I thought I was handling all the big and small stresses just fine. Little
did I know that each thing was building up inside of me, putting a strain on my
body. One day, I went out for lunch with friends and ended up being rushed to
the hospital by ambulance for what ended up being dehydration. I thought that
experience was a once and done strange life story, but a couple days later I
found myself on the street by my car having a bad panic attack. The scariest
part was that it came on so suddenly. From that moment, my body completely shut
down from normal living. I couldn’t leave the house. I had daily panic attacks.
My heart was constantly racing. My nights were terrible and panic stricken.
Many nights, I didn’t think I would make it through the night. When I would
wake up the next morning after finally getting to sleep, I would be surprised
that I had made it. I never ever thought something like this would happen to
me. I felt like I had completely lost control of my body. I was angry at it for
betraying me. My thoughts were filled with, “Is this my life now? Will I ever
heal?” #drywearyland
Praise God, I
received help in so many ways. I doubled up on counseling. I learned about my
body as well as my soul. I got wonderful medical help. I learned deep breathing
and grounding exercises. One of the biggest things that helped in my healing
was having people walk alongside of me and not treat me in a
why-can’t-you-just-get-over-this sort of way. Instead, my sweet friends here in
Cáceres listened to me, respected my needs, sat with me, walked with me, and
prayed for me. My friends and family abroad also symbolically walked with me
from afar. At night, I spoke scripture aloud to focus on truth and not on my overwhelming
fears. It brought some light into the
darkness of the night. I cried out to God, broken and confused. And slowly…ever
so slowly…I began to heal. #hope
It was strange learning
how to do everything again. I could only start with leaving my home for about
five minutes. Then, I could go around the block. I worked my way up to an hour.
I worked hard on listening to my body but also pushing myself. After a couple
months, I went to a café. Four months later, I went to a restaurant. It took me
even longer to be comfortable driving again. In a way, it was frustrating. But
in another way, I have become amazed at the body and its capacity to heal. And
each new “normal” everyday thing that I could finally do felt not just like a victory
but had the same excitement as doing it for the first time.
It has been a strange year, but
I am not ashamed of this story. I know God has given it to me. I know He has a
purpose. I also know that God was with me, by my side, through it all. Never
have I experienced God’s faithfulness more than I have in this last year. Never
have I felt His presence so greatly. He never left me alone. I don’t know nor
do I understand why this all happened to me. And I still have healing to do.
But I do know that God is good. Always. #springsoflife #thankful #mentalhealth
#mentalhealthawareness
“The knowledge that we
are never alone calms the troubled sea is our lives and speaks peace to our
souls” ~A.W. Tozer, The Knowledge of the Holy
Psalm 66:16, “Come and hear,
all you who fear God, and I will tell you what he has done for my soul.”
(Taken from my
Instagram stories: k8bond007)
